may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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