i jhust puked up my retainher.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
