In the future we'll all be gay
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
