just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
