At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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