I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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