Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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