I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
