Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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