i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
