nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
