Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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