Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
