somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
