Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
