hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
