I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
