Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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