The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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