Please, let me fuck your mom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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