i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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