i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
