So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
