There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
