Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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