dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
