Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
