WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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