WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
