life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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