a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
