life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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