I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So vagazzling was a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
