The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
