sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
