Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
