yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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