Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
