hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
