i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
