I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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