I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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