My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
