So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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