Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this beer tastes like vomit already
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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