The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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