How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
