what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
