once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
