He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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