oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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