im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
