There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
