from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
