You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
