Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
