He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
