He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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