I need to stop coming to work sober
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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