I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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