my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can I color on your dick again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
