My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
