he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
