it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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