When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize