so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
