i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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