Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
