Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
