i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
