NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
