Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
