Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
